Things have started to seem really weird the past few days. I go to sleep and wake up not really having a full recollection of what I did the previous day; it’s like I’m completely going through the motions and going from place to place, not really taking root or forming memories as I pass. Work has been getting better and school has been enough to occupy my mind, but every day I spill my thoughts to a friend or to my journal, and after that it’s as if I have nothing left. I seek and usually find solace in words and occurrences long past, finding hope in little nuances of days that I’ll never get back. Thankfully, although emotionally I’m a blank slate and physically I’m exhausted, I’ve managed to quiet my mind and regain my trust in the future, instead of constantly thinking that the future is going to turn its back on me if I don’t plan immediately for it right this moment.

However, like all periods of growth in my life, this one has been overshadowed by more than one dark addition to my plate. I’ve recently become really scared for sophomore year, and my emotional state of affairs with everyone here. If you leave, I feel like I’ll have nothing, and I’ll be alone in every possible sense. I’ve been enjoying a lot of my time spent alone lately, but I just get scared when I realize how fragile everything I have right now is. It’s very frustrating in a way, because it seems like I can’t really make any decision without it affecting numerous people around me. Although, I guess that’s just another thing that I’ll have to let go of.

I’m looking forward to being home for a week and seeing how things have and haven’t changed. The two and a half weeks I have between now and spring break are going to be incredibly ridiculous and busy, but I hope that it’ll be worth it when I get to have some rest soon. In the meantime, I’m just making it through each day, finally seeing my first glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel.